By Danny Kao
(Editor’s note: Thanks to Google translate, we are able to provide Danny’s recap of Sunday’s WDCR autocross.)
Pre-Event Hype
Coming into the WDCR Championship Event No. 5, the biggest buzz was the weather. People jockeyed for heat positions to avoid forecast thunderstorms and went though the extreme to change from open-wheel stuff to roofed cars, and/or getting unprepared Civics running in Street Touring Unlimited (STU). All that effort just to avoid a grand total of four rain drops at precisely 2:22 p.m.
The second biggest buzz was everybody tried to run “flat out” and bragged about their Koenigsegg and their GT2s; and there were also a few attempts made on driving a Caterham at 200 mph in the dark and rain. Those Caterham did go about 65 mph, but it was overcast and dry. We also found out Jim Harris is the Miata instructor, and the “Exterminator’s” real name is Richard Alistair.
The least buzzed is someone (who will remain nameless to protect the innocent) knocked over the port-a-john the day before the event.
Morning News
Apparently everybody had a rough night on Saturday. Over 95 percent of people who came through the gate looked sleepy; even the normal hyperactive Shane Chinnon-Rhoden was in sleep walking mode. However Shane quickly recovered when the ladies arrived, and once again took the STU title. If this continues through the end of the year, I will officially name 83 STU “Shane’s car” to follow the tradition of 64 STU as “Neary’s car”.
With that said, Darren Mass continued to lead FSP in “Darren’s car”.
All that talk of the rain really made me want to take my newly acquired 2002 Focus SVT a shot at H-Stock; but I saw Jason Burns, the lovely Heather Burns, and Marshall Cone all registered, so I gave up.
In G-Stock, Kenny Sorensen must have thought he had mastered the wheelie on Eric Kriemelmeyer’s SE-R and took the win by 0.4 seconds. But the true story is Ron Shurie was having problems fixing the timing computer, and his final fix backfired on him.
Ron’s computer fix also messed up A Stock: The normal two-car field went to six cars for some strange reason, but James Sheridan’s domination continues.
There were a bunch of cars in C Stock (CS), Street Touring Xtreme (STX) and X Prepared (XP), and that’s all I am going to say about that. There is no news coverage in CS because Andy Thomas told me if he didn’t win, he doesn’t want hear anything from me. No news in STX because John “Buttdyno” Wilemin refused to give me free Phillies tickets; and nothing for me to say about XP because little Mike Synder didn’t win, so now he is going to charge me double on wrapping my trailer – thanks a lot Brian Karwan! (And you too, Larry Casey!)
In B Street Prepared, aka “Battle of the Sexes,” Eric Eskandari edged Jennifer Eskandari to take the win. This is particularly upsetting to me because Jennifer was doing just fine until I gave her some driving advice.
In the lawn mower class, Formula 125, Brian Garfield took one run and left to feed some hungry kids. Mike Kelly Kline and Don Miller’s karts were sabotaged by themselves. So this gave a rare opportunity for old geezers like me (King Yang) and Vic Buenconsejo Madrid to move up. Unfortunately Justin “The Natural” Neal ruined the AARP sponsored party, and took the class win and FTD. The punishment for Justin’s win is you won’t hear from him again until he is in his mid-40s.
Lunch Break
My Italian sausage sandwich was very good, except the bun was too big and the sausage was too small. It kind of ruined my Adkins diet, which gives me an enormous advantage on my racing ability.
Afternoon News
The Garfield boys got the mowing down pat with their little lawn mowers. Mommy Lisa Garfield must enjoy her perfectly manicured lawn.
During the Formula Junior heat, if you happened to see nothing but a helmet driving a little kart, that’s little mean Mac Klosky. Little Jack Vracar took the FJ title this weekend, but “Mac Attack” will be back in full force at event No. 6.
After using the online PAX calculator, I am pleased to announce that Katie (Shawn’s boss) Orgler just edged out Vanessa Farret Martin by 0.531 second for the Ladies class win. I am glad I took calculus in college.
The “soft-PAX” Street Touring Sport dominated the afternoon session. Ian “The Squirrel” Baker took top PAX win for the event with an impressive 46.230. The smooth sounding Scott Blair was not smooth enough to catch the Squirrel after eight attempts, so he had to settle for second. I think it’s time for Johnny Vitamvas and Greg Olsen (the better looking one) to lose some weight in order to catch the Squirrel, but John and Greg at 85 pounds might ruined their popularity with the ladies as them topless would be unsightly.
In B Stock, it was Eric Kriemelmeyer that spun more than Pat Griffith, which is unusual. I think Pat has been working on that nice tan of his and is softening him up somewhat.
Folks in E Street Prepared (ESP) rejoice! There is a serious attempt to steal Brian “Big Enos” Burdette and Sam Vassallo from ESP to the Lawn Mower class; so “Dr. Phil” Knowles, please come back – now you have a chance to win and have your own racing show on TV.
Every time I took pictures for Street Modified, I have this overwhelming urge to cut up Mike Towery’s fender and put Domokun stickers all over his car for some reason. Mike’s car is missing something and I just can’t figure out what.
If Shelby Mustang wasn’t invented and Mark Valera wasn’t born, Mark Liller would win F-Stock this week.
For some reason I get Street Touring R (STR) and C Street Prepared all mixed up. It’s must be because both classes induce big tire smokes under braking, and follow up a big spin. Since I can’t make out who won in all that smoke, I am going to assume the ragin’ CRX won because it’s the loudest, and all the STR guys pointed at Christopher Lin with a frown face so the answer is clear there.
I am sorry I have nothing to report for the rest of the classing during the afternoon session. I was busy checking out the paint job on Dave Scheel’s Evo 8 in B Stock, which matches my intimating looking helmet so you know.
Post Race Wrap Up
The rain was over rated.
If you want to move to the advance autocross group, do not have Lee Piccione as
your driving instructor.
Paging Mr. Steak (Steve Salisbury): Please make the gates less than five-feet wide so Sammy Strano and Squirrel can’t dominate the next event.
Now “Robert Redford Junior” rules DC with the FTD – Until next time, of course …
Note: 95 percent of this report is fictional, so please don’t sue me. If don’t like any of this writing, please blame “The Natural”, he made me do it …
Caterham at 20.0 mph, in a dry and nice day
Kenny got the wheelie bug.
Phillip driving Darren's car.
Richard Alistair and his instructor.
Christopher Lin spins his way to victory.
Dave Scheel's colorful Evo 8.
